Preventing Drug and/or Alcohol Problems:
Parenting Myths and Realities
Cruger Phillips, Executive Director of HopeWorks
In my work as a counselor and educator at HopeWorks, I am often asked how parents can prevent their children from developing drug or alcohol problems. There is not an easy answer to this. I can share a few of the common myths that many parents hold true which are not helpful. Then I will pass on some ideas which have proven effective.
Myths
1. "Don't mention it or you'll give your child ideas."
Wrong. If you aren't expressing your values, other people are influencing your children in this vital area.
2. "Being popular will protect my child from the temptation to use."
Wrong. The need to remain part of the popular crowd reduces resisting skills. Popularity actually may increase the likelihood one will use, in order to not disappoint the crowd.
3. "Keeping my children super scheduled will make it so they have no time for anything else."
Wrong. People need "down time" to manage stress effectively, to get enough sleep and to make good decisions. Some kids report being so stressed out that the only way they know how to calm down is to use.
4. "Good grades prove that my child doesn't have a problem with drugs or alcohol."
Wrong. Many serious users are able to maintain good grades. However a sudden drop in grades may indicate an emotional or social problem or drug use.
5. "It is normal (and therefore 'okay') for kids to experiment with drugs/alcohol in high school."
Wrong. The young people who use drugs retard their social, emotional and intellectual growth. It may be normal for toddlers to put things in their mouth but as parents we try to stop them from eating dirt and sharp objects.
6. "I used in high school so I can't tell them not to."
This is like saying, "We didn't wear seat belts 30 years ago, so we shouldn't today." It wasn't smart then and it is even dumber today.
7. "We (the parents) don't use so they won't."
Wrong. I wish it were this simple.
8. "If we don't know about it, it isn't a problem."
Wrong. Hidden problems get bigger and more difficult to solve.
9. "We thought the schools would teach our kids not to use."
Wrong. While schools work hard to educate students on the hazards of substance abuse, parents have tremendous influence over their children's choices that the best teacher cannot match.
10. "We have a good family, therefore they won't use (only bad families have these kinds of problems)."
Wrong. I have seen too many wonderful families struggle with a substance abuse problem in one of their children to ever believe this myth.
What can a parent do that is right?
- Talk about drug and alcohol use. Your children will be exposed to drugs and alcohol in their teen years. They will make choices about whether to use or not. Make sure they know where you stand on it.
- Model healthy coping skills without resorting to drugs or alcohol as crutches.
- Be very clear about your family standards and expectations. For example, what would happen to their privileges if you discovered they were using?
- Know who your child is as a person.
- Enjoy their talents and interests. Help them to develop and pursue their healthy passions. The delight in a hobby, sport or subject area is often the reason that young people give for not using mind altering chemicals.
- Keep lines of communication open.
- Know your child's friends and their friends' parents.
- Be aware of the unnecessary stresses on your child; help them to avoid falling prey to unwise standards or expectations.
- Encourage independent thought and action. Many young people decide not to use so that they can be in control of their thoughts, body and surroundings. Support them by giving them age appropriate opportunities to be independent and to make real decisions about their own life. Give them credit for the good decisions they make.
- Educate yourself on the drugs that are currently being used. Be aware of the signs of use. Keep your eyes open out of love and respect for your amazing child and their awesome future
